“Questions open a space in your mind that allow better answers to breathe.”
I once wrote a Google review of a subpar local burger spot in Chattanooga, TN. It began with the following statement, “What is it in the human mind that draws us to roller coasters? What makes our hearts race when we place a bet? It’s the lure and excitement of the unknown…”
I have always been drawn to the unknown. Curious about doors with signs that read, “Must remain closed at all times.” Isn’t it better to just have a wall at that point? Wondering what Waldo is really hiding from. Thought, “We say ‘nooks and crannies’ but I only see breakfast nooks and reading nooks. I’ve never seen a cranny.” I’ve often wondered. Have you ever wondered?
Well, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a request from a friend so dear.
Even McDonald’s asked about it.
Seems innocent enough, right? I could probably just say, “McDonald’s started serving pizza in the late 1980’s to try and gain more dinnertime customers, however, the pizza’s took too long to make so McDonald’s discontinued as they value speed.” You’d think it was interesting they used to sell pizza and maybe wonder what it tasted like. Two problems though: It’s not a deep dive as was requested and leaving it at that isn’t who I am. Below you will see my findings and opinions. Things are not always as they appear. Stay curious and enjoy.
First of all, according to a snippet from the September 20, 1989 edition of the New York Times (we only suggest reading other newsletters in emergency situations like this), McDonald’s had tested the idea and were confident in the face of doubters “After several years trying to develop a pizza-making operation fast and good enough to satisfy its customers, the McDonald’s Corporation has begun to test-market a product. Some pizza experts are skeptical about whether McDonald’s can prepare a tasty pizza quickly enough for people who expect their food on the double… Doubts greeted the introduction of its Egg McMuffin in 1973, but the breakfast business now accounts for 20 percent of the chain’s sales, according to analysts.”
Additionally, every McDonald’s location that served pizza had to replace their drive-thru windows with larger windows to accommodate the bigger boxes costing the company millions of dollars. This is not an idea they would end lightly. In digging further, I found McDonald’s stopped serving pizza in 2000. In a famous Ted talk, Simon Sinek tells us to “Start with ‘Why?’”. We know what happened; McDonald’s stopped serving pizza. We know how it happened; they simply stopped. What we don’t know, however, is why they stopped serving pizza. I was tasked with this mission. As a journalist with over 2 published issues, I have the power and skill to accomplish this task. To quote the films Spiderman, Spiderman 2, Spiderman 3, The Amazing Spiderman, The Amazing Spiderman 2, Spiderman Homecoming, and Teen Wolf, “With great power, you should be responsible.”
Initial research uncovered the fact that a McDonald’s in Pomeroy, OH continued to sell pizza long after 2000. Why were they able to continue when others were not? Was it left up to individual owners whether or not they were able to sell them? With the help of Brian Thompson, multiple McDonald’s were called. Most hung up, some said they didn’t remember ever selling pizza, and some said the pizza only took 5 minutes and was very good which goes against everything we know so far. Why were they giving us the workaround? Calling McDonald’s corporate didn’t help either. I cashed in a favor from a friend with direct ties to McDonald’s corporate. He used his Apple Phone to call a contact titled “Dad”. The transcript is as follows:
Contact titled “Dad”: “Hey, I’m in a meeting, what’s up?”
B****: “Not super important, but do you remember when McDonald’s sold pizza?”
Contact titled “Dad”: “Yes.” Sounds of official McDonald’s corporate meeting in the background
B****: “Why did they stop selling it?”
Contact titled “Dad”: “We didn’t move enough units.”
B****: “Ok, thank you.”
*name redacted for safety.
This is exactly what I expected. What I didn’t expect was the McDonald’s in Pomeroy, OH to call back.
An employee of this location told us they have to fight to keep the pizza on the menu despite pizza sales making up a large portion of their revenue. Why would McDonald’s as a corporation trying to make money try and stop one of their stores from selling an item that makes that location the most money? Is “not moving enough units” the real reason other locations stopped selling pizza? Or did they cave to pressure when Pomeroy wouldn’t? Upon further questioning, the employee asked why we were asking. We told them we were simply investigating why McDonald’s stopped selling pizza. She then said a sentence I will never forget, “Oh ok, there’s so many things we aren’t allowed to talk about as employees of McDonald’s.” I’ll give you a moment to take that in. Would the contact titled “Dad” have answered B****’s question had they not been kin? Even so, did he answer with a lie? What would cause a man to lie to his own child? Would he have told the truth if not surrounded by other employees? I think not, and here is why.
During the call with Pomeroy, I could distinctly hear a clicking sound. This led me to believe my phone was being recorded. Someone was interested in the questions I was asking. Maybe we need to go to Pomeroy and have this conversation face to face. In researching places to stay, I found the only motel in the area: the Meigs Motel. Then I found this article: Link to Article. Murder. Was someone else asking about McDonald’s in Pomeroy? Almost certainly.
Once it became clear to me traveling was unsafe, especially as a man with a wife, dog, and massively popular newsletter, I once again turned to the help of Brian, a man with nothing to lose. Brian was able to travel to Pomeroy. He tried the cheese pizza, the pepperoni pizza, and the deluxe. His review was “good.” He said, however, it took nearly 12 minutes to get the pizza out. As this was one of the original reasons we speculated the pizza discontinued, I thought the investigation was over.
I was listening to sports radio when Nick Sirianni, head coach of the Superbowl bound Philadelphia Eagles, answered a seemingly random question. A reporter asked him if they had pizza while studying film. He confirmed they did and it was Little Caesars. To all in attendance, this was a joke about the pizza a Philly native prefers. To me, it was a metaphorical lightbulb going off above my real head. “Hot-N-Ready.” A slogan, a gamechanger. If Little Caesars can have pizza ready immediately, why can’t the biggest, richest fast food chain in the world? “The world.” I am recalling, as I type, the various unique menu items different McDonald’s locations have around the world. Do any of them sell pizza? Hold on…
I’m back. After talking with McDonald’s locations in England, France, and Australia, I can confirm none of them sell pizza. Someone suggested the McDonald’s in Afghanistan may have sold pizza at one point to military personnel. In research, I found there is not a McDonald’s in Afghanistan, but rather in Pakistan yet it did not sell pizza. However, in Afghanistan there was a KFC that sold pizza. If another fast food chain not traditionally known for pizza can sell pizza, why can’t McDonald’s? It turns out the KFC in Afghanistan stands for Kabul Fried Chicken and has no affiliation to the KFC we know (per official KFC corporate).
As you can see, there is no clear answer yet. This is a thread we can continue to pull, but I don’t want to find nor be responsible for any more bodies. We would likely find more dirt on McDonald’s. We might find out someone more powerful than McDonald’s is pulling the strings. After all, we already discovered this project cost McDonald’s years of research, millions of dollars, and was successful enough certain stores continued to fight for it. Maybe it wasn’t the coworkers in the meeting B****’s contact titled “Dad” was afraid of, but rather someone above them.
There’s a lesson here somewhere. You might have been expecting an analysis of trying to outsmart the market. Nope. You might have guessed there would be a lesson on knowing your strengths. Lol. You must be curious. I knew a kid growing up who would often ask “why” over and over and over again to piss me off. “What are you doing?”, “Shooting the basketball”, “Why?”, “Because I like to”, “Why?”, “Because it’s fun for me”, “Why?”… etc. until I got angry. He didn’t seem like it at the time, but he may have been one of the most brilliant minds I have ever encountered. “Why” can lead us to places we never thought possible.
One of this week’s articles is about a man who essentially asked, “Why not?” and started his own country. I challenge you to challenge everything you’re told this week. “Why did Seth start this newsletter?” “Why do I feel compelled to join his Patreon?” “Why am I still reading a deep dive into McDonald’s pizza over 1500 words in?” All this and more will be answered on next week’s Daily Dispatch. For now, enjoy the articles and stay curious.
Hand Selected Articles From Me To You
First of all, thank you to the marketing team for your hard work this week! We more than doubled our subscribers! We are up to literally dozens. Thank you to my wife who let’s me work on these while we eat dinner sometimes and truly is the most supportive person in the world. I also want to shout out my friend Rudy (rd_camacho on Instagram) who is single and his DMs are open. If you want a shout out in next week’s outro, just buy me a pair of New Balance 550s. Any color will do! Seriously though, I have plans on growing this newsletter and taking it in different directions and the support from the early adopters has not gone unnoticed.
All My Love,
Seth Winton
