"If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one."
We ask a lot of hard hitting questions here at the Daily Dispatch don’t we? That was rhetorical tbh. We do. Don’t argue with me. We tend to ask deep questions. Questions that make you ponder something important. Questions like, “Can a trip to Hawaii humble you?”, “What happened to Leanna Lewis?”, and “Why is the PT Cruiser so universally hated?” Today, however, we are asking the most profound question, “What is the point of having a culturally impactful newsletter if you are not going to weaponize it for your own good?”
That’s right. I have something I need and I am recruiting all the Dispatchers to help.
A week from today is the 4th Annual Turkey Bowl. My group of friends and I, after not running or stretching all year, gather together for a flag football game including a full field, punting, field goals, and all the other odds and ends you’ve grown to love from the game of football. This year, for the first time in Turkey Bowl history, your favorite newsletter writer has the honor of being a captain. And let me tell you right here, right now, I captained a heck of a team. However, mere hours after assembling a team Howie Roseman would be proud of, my top defender announced he was holding out and would not be playing. For reference, I had given a long winded speech about how defense wins championships leading up to picking this player. I called him the cornerstone of my teambuilding philosophy, but you know how it goes with talented football players, their egos get the best of them and they believe they are owed something.
Our commissioner, Andrew, has graciously offered a redraft of all the players who had yet to be picked when I selected this defensive cornerstone. However, I am not someone who takes handouts. I don’t provide the most speed, the surest hands, or the quickest reflexes to this team, but I do provide leadership and heart. I will not compromise my greatest strength and capitulate to fear. Did Dan Campbell make excuses when taking over one of the most historically failing franchises in the NFL? No. He said, “I’m going to make Jared Goff look talented.” Did Josh Heupel ask for a reshuffle of talent when he took over a Tennessee team that Pruitt had ruined? No. He said, “I’m going to beat Alabama twice.”
With that said, I have a roster spot available. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. If you are a Vince Papale in the making, now is your chance to prove it. Spots in the coveted Turkey Bowl do not become available often. This is a highly time sensitive opportunity, though, as I have already reached out to multiple other people.
If you are interested, please fill out the attached form:
NAME:
AVAILABILITY NEXT FRIDAY:
40 YARD DASH TIME:
HEIGHT:
FAVORITE THING ABOUT ME:
RELEVANT ATHLETIC EXPERIENCE:
LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT ME:
ABILITY TO PULL FLAGS 1-10:
REFERENCES:
If you need any more motivation, then quite frankly this opportunity isn’t for you. But I am a man of the people so here is a little motivational pregame speech I wrote all by myself. I want you to write this on your mirror and ask yourself, “Is this my chance to make something great?” Are you ready to get fired up??? “Let me tell you something, if tomorrow wasn’t promised, what would you give for today? Forget everything else. Forget everything else. Forget that there was any sunlight left. What would you spend today thinking about? Yourself? Or the man that’s beside you. Or the man that you know you’d give everything in your heart for? We get one opportunity at life. One chance at life to do whatever you’re gonna do. To lay your foundation and make whatever mark you’re going to make. Whatever legacy you’re gonna leave. Leave your legacy! And it’s found through effort. Wins and losses come a dime a dozen. But effort? Nobody can judge effort ’cause effort is between you and you. Effort ain’t got nothin’ to do with anybody else. So that team that thinks they’re ready to see you? They think what they’ve seen on film is it? They ain’t shown what film shows. Because every day is a new day. Every moment is a new moment. So now you’ve got to go out and show them that I’m a different creature NOW than I was five minutes ago. Because I’m pissed off for greatness. Because if you ain’t pissed off for greatness, that means you’re okay with being mediocre. Ain’t no man in here okay with being just basic. So let’s do what we do. Tonight, we ain’t got to worry ’bout taking no breaks. We are just breaking down everything they thought they knew about us.”
This is personal for me. All my life I’ve craved an opportunity to be great. I’ve been told, “You’ll never make it to the league, you’re only 5’10.” And you know what?!? They were totally right about that one… But I’ve also been told, “You big headed fool, you’ll never write a newsletter with literally dozens of devoted fans.” WRONG! I set my sights on greatness and achieved it. You see, too many people settle for good. So few dare to dream of great. The most competition in life is for good because that is where the cowards live. The foolhardy, the dreamers who dare believe greatness is achievable, they are the ones who reach great heights because they are the only ones willing to continue climbing past good. “Perfection is the enemy of good.” Well then consider me good’s greatest enemy because I will not settle and neither will anyone on this flag football team.
I am offering you one chance, one opportunity to achieve something remarkable. Great moments are born from great opportunity and that’s what you have here next week. That’s what you’ve earned here, if you are chosen. One game. If selected, you were meant to be on this team. This is your time. Are you willing to take it?
