“Hey, Cutie! Wanna Pollinate With A Real Bug?” -Flies from A Bug’s Life
To be young and wild and free again. My wife and I are currently watching One Tree Hill. I have never seen the show, but it is one of her favorites. Sure, it is incredibly cheesy so far, some of the acting is questionable at best, and it is abundantly clear it was made many moons ago, but I’m also hooked. Right now Lucas just broke up with Brooke for Peyton but he also is kinda going through it after the wreck and just hooked up with a rando from the bar. What a jerk. I miss when Nate was the jerk and Lucas was the nice one, ya know? Maybe it changes in upcoming episodes. Anyways, seeing the nostalgia wash over her when we watch the show and Gavin DeGraw’s voice welcomes us to each episode is so sweet. I watch her go back in time to simpler moments where there weren’t bills to pay, work frustrations, or the general humdrum of life.
That reminds me, this week’s sponsor is Moon Shoes. ‘Sup 90’s kids? I hear you have some money now. Sure the economy sucks and we’re in a silent depression, but now your parents can’t say no to frivolous spending! Remember me? I’m Moon Shoes. You used to watch commercials about me and ask your parents to buy me and they would say no because they are responsible adults. Turns out, you’re the boss now and just like every 90’s movie for kids, parents are totally the bad guy and you deserve to have the Moon Shoes you’ve always wanted. Come on, I cost like 4 Starbucks coffees. I tell you what, cancel a couple of the subscriptions you forgot to cancel and you’ll have the spare change to waste on me. Moon Shoes, because it’s fun.
Do you remember being fascinated by things? Maybe you were a horse girl, a sports kid, or really into dinosaurs. I was, as you all know, super into sports, but what you may not know is for a few years in elementary school I was a huge civil war nerd. I wanted to know everything about it. I had my mom take me to multiple battlefields within driving distance, went to a civil war camp of some sort, and thought Robert E. Lee was a strategic genius. Whatever your thing was, do you remember the childhood wonder and absolute craving of knowledge? I kinda miss it. Sure, I will still go on Wikipedia deep dives and learn as much as I can about random topics, but it isn’t the same. Well, this week we are going to take a step back from all the big important things going on and just be fascinated little kids observing the world around us and thinking, “that’s so cool!”
Last night, I was leaving a Bible study and saw one of the biggest slugs I’ve ever seen. It looked like a gray, slimy, moving hotdog. This, of course, led to us talking about all sorts of bugs and debating watching the movie A Bug’s Life soon. It also got me thinking, bugs are freaking cool. Do you ever stop and think about that? Well, now you have to. This week, we’re just going to talk about some cool bug facts and escape into childlike wonder for a bit. Cool? Alright, let’s go!
Dragonflies only eat while flying. I think this is because they have a code they live by and I respect a bug with an ethos. They also totally do it while flying which is a wild move. Butterflies taste with their feet. Wouldn’t that suck? That said, imagine flavored insoles for your shoes. By the way, all of these facts are coming straight off the dome. From the memory bank to the Google Doc. Maybe I’ll eventually google, “Cool bug facts” but for now I’m relying on UTC’s excellent bug program and my studies. Mosquitos can take a long walk off a short pier. They are out here killing people, ruining days, and spending Bill Gates’ fortune. Some ants can live up to 30 years. Tupac didn’t even make it to 30. Apparently, the collective weight of ants on earth is more than the collective weight of humans. FREAKY. They are hella strong too. Have you ever been bitten by fire ants? It absolutely sucks. It kicks rocks. It is totally not chill at all. They are organized though and that I can respect.
Bees bro. I’m not going to go all lame science nerd and say we need them for the environment or ecosystem or whatever. This isn’t a trifold paperboard science project, it’s a cool newsletter for cool people. Bees look cool. Sure they sting you, but if they do it’s a suicide mission and you almost have to respect that. They make honey. Apparently pure honey doesn’t expire. I’m not going to fact check that, but that is what I’ve heard. Smoke puts them to sleep and we have to wear silly little costumes to work with them. This issue is going to read very disjointed but I’m being childlike so deal with it. Butterflies’ colors indicate the flavors they most enjoy. The more vibrant butterflies like fruity and sweet flavors. The more dull prefer almost a rotting or woodsy flavor. (The previous butterfly facts are not true. I just wanted to see if you would believe it.) As Al Pacino’s character in The Departed, “Got ya, punk.”
Dude. Google praying mantis pictures. Just scroll through and remember these things exist. How wild! Like, we just go about our days buying groceries, yelling in traffic, and sending emails all the while the praying mantis is just out there living life looking like that and flying standing up. I don’t have many facts about them, but I just want to be amazed. I promise you this, and you can quote me on it, if I see a praying mantis in the wild, and you’re nearby, I will beckon you over to look at the bug. Just to see it.
Cockroaches can live for a week without their heads, can hold their breath for 40 minutes, and can run 3 miles in an hour. They can live a month without food. You’re never supposed to mention a ladybug’s age or ask if it’s pregnant. Just know that. Ladybug’s got their names when European farmers prayed to the virgin Mary when pests began eating their crops and then ladybugs came in and just went to town eating the aphids and saved the plants. The farmers named them after the virgin Mary in response.
Now, Google scorpion pictures. Are you kidding me? These things are just out there. The mantis is fascinating, the scorpion is terrifying. Again, we just go through our days and there is a bug out there with lobster claws and stingers. Fireflies glow. I know you know that, but it’s summer, they’re back, and they just light up. Why don’t we think about that?? This world is pretty dang cool. Speaking of nostalgia and childhood bugs, the rollie pollie. Little armadillo looking bug. How relatable is this guy? He sees something he doesn’t like, curls up and hides and hope it all figures itself out. I think rollie pollies can eat metal. Again, I’m not looking it up. It’s probably true.
Worms are chill with you cutting them in half because they are still living. Do you ever just take a shovel and scoop out a big chunk of dirt? You can see all these worms doing their thing in there. A whole world under our feet. If you think your job sucks, remember there are dung beetles. They are strong as all get out, and they use that strength to move poop around.
That’s really all I got as far as bug facts. I hope you enjoyed just thinking things are interesting. What bugs do you like?
