“This I want to believe implicitly: Man was born for love and revolution.”
Anger feels good.
Anger shared, though, is intoxicating.
I go to a lot of sporting events. As moving as the roar of a crowd is when your team succeeds, the opposite can often evoke similar feelings of passion and unity. When the ref throws a late flag against the home team and collectively you all begin to scream… inject that feeling into my veins and I would be unstoppable. Focused, collective anger is a powerful, uniting, overwhelming sensation. I was on the receiving end of that 7 calendar days ago.
The backlash I received from last week’s issue, the vitriol with which you rained down your criticism once you discovered the story wasn’t real moved me. For those that missed last week, I told a spooky story. I, like any good storyteller, sprinkled in bits of truth into what was overall a made up tale. It made it believable. It caused you all to lean in. Then, unceremoniously, I revealed it was fiction. Time for a little nonfiction: I got texts, emails, phone calls, and even slack messages containing frustration, anger, and harsh tones from you all. For reference on the below, I am Josh Heupbulla.
At first, I was a little upset. What was meant for entertainment brought entirely unexpected feelings. I wondered, “Did I do something wrong?” We all know the answer to that is “Of course not.” But I did wonder. Do you ever wonder? Not all who wonder are lost btw. I think it was Plato who said that. My first conclusion was people don’t mind fiction if they either know it is fiction going into it, or, never find out it is fiction. Either way, people want to have a consistent feeling. That is what I was originally going to write about this week. Then, like a man sitting at a red light at a T-junction, I had a moment to stop and think. I had a realization. I am the one who unites.
What is a typically diverse and unique group of individuals all came to the same conclusion together: You didn’t like being tricked, it was no treat. So, as the scientific thinker I am, I tried an experiment. Can I unite people apart from anger? I sent a silly little poll on my Instagram story giving people what appeared to be two equal options. Two things that were the same cost, same product, and came from the same place. I expected there to be an overwhelming majority. It was unanimous.
I am the one who unites.
In a world of division, I brought you all together twice. It is, therefore, time to revisit starting our own country.
CALL BACK!! That’s right, we are doing another part 2. In Issue 11 we referenced a brilliant article that was featured in Issue 4. We began designing our own country. I promised a part 2, and now 21 issues later, it’s time to circle back. I highly recommend reading Issue 11 if you haven’t already. Heck, as I’m writing this, I may just send Issue 11 out on Wednesday as pre-reading. (Done.) Or you can use the link below:
https://dailydispatchweekly.com/issue-11-new-country-who-dis/
Quick Recap: “Seth, why are you sending a quick recap when you literally just sent the link?” Because I know people. I know most of you are, and forgive me if this is insensitive, downstream salmon. You know it is rewarding to swim upstream, it’s in your nature, but downstream is easier. Me? I’m a walk up the escalator guy. You get it right? I’m not going to explain it.
Quick Recap (for real this time): First of all, our island is still available. I briefly considered switching the location of our country to Pumpkin Island because of the name alone, but we will be sticking with Rangyai Island. If you want to see pictures of our nation’s future home, please refer to Issue 11. Despite being on the market for so long, the price has not decreased. I have to sell a lot more t-shirts if we are going to raise enough money to buy the island. If you are interested, we have a new design called The Island Fund where all profits go towards buying Rangyai. Other recap notes, we will be competing in the Olympics, until we can get one written, “Love Yourz” by J. Cole is our national anthem, we have very specific laws regarding driving, shopping carts, and parking lots.
New Notes:
First of all, I would like to introduce two new members of the governing body of our new nation (which it took me until now, deep in part 2, to realize doesn’t have a name yet). One common piece of feedback I received after part 1 was the fear I would rule with an iron fist. Apparently the language with which I wrote was “heavy handed, absolute, and monarchical.” To dissuade that thinking, I have appointed two others to very important positions. Andrew will be our Secretary of Vacation. Tanner will be our Secretary of Space (stars and moons and stuff, not like, the dimensions of height, depth, and width within which all things exist and move.) I considered calling Tanner’s role Secretary of Celestial Affairs, but I believe he is faithful to his wife both on Earth and amongst the stars. These positions are very important and are in now way cover for me, and me alone, ruling this nation.
Here’s the deal, we will be attacked. I just know it. People hate to see people having fun, and fun will be had in Dispatopia (tentative name). We need an ally. Who better than Sealand? The micronation that inspired all of this in the first place. They will be our first ally. I look up to them. One ally is not enough. We need a second. In 2021, another micronation formed in California and declared independence from the United States. Their name is Slowjamastan. For those who are dismissing this as a silly little bit in a silly little newsletter, it is not. Slowjamastan is a real place and will be our allies. As a show of good faith to Slowjamastan, we will be changing our national anthem from “Love Yourz” by J. Cole to “Underdog” by Alicia Keys. While we have pretty different views on traffic laws, one law of Slowjamastan I appreciate is The Microwave “Clear Button Law”. Slowjamastan’s “Clear Button Law” requires citizens to press the “clear” button when removing food from the microwave before the timer expires. The law serves a dual purpose: firstly, it ensures that citizens don’t leave the microwave timer running unintentionally, saving energy and preventing potential fire hazards. Secondly, it reverts the microwave display back to the current time, promoting time awareness, and encouraging punctuality. This small action has a big impact on energy efficiency and time management in Slowjamastan, fostering a more responsible and organized society.
Back to us:
When consulting my ideas council, a mandatory military draft was suggested. While we will likely be constantly defending our shoreline from attack, I want people to volunteer. We love Volunteers. That said, there will be a mandatory service industry draft. Everyone must work two years as a server in one of our many restaurants when they are a teenager. It’ll teach our youths important lessons I hope get carried into adulthood.
I mentioned in last week’s email that I read books. I recently read a book about FTX and their historic rise and fall as a company. You are probably thinking I learned a lot of “what not to do” type lessons. Sure. But I also was inspired by their celebrity endorsements. We, too, will be paying Larry David to endorse us. With the money we have leftover after buying the island, we will pay him to become a citizen of Dispatopia (do we like this name?).
LOL did you really think we would have a Secretary of Space without having a space program? You’re out of your mind. We plan to be the first nation to actually put someone on the moon. If you’re one of those sheep who believe we have already been there, please don’t apply to join our country. You’re going to really tell me we put a man on the moon before we could send an email? Grow up. We are going to get someone up there. While we’re up there, I’m thinking about having a space based home run derby. Imagine Bryce Harper hitting a baseball with no gravity. It legitimately might hit another planet. If you would like to sign up for the space home run derby, please email me (again, invented after we “sent someone to the moon”).
Multiple places have a mixed drink they are known for. Kentucky has the Mint Julep. Italy is apparently known for the Negroni. Of course, the most popular may be Mexico’s Margarita. We need our own cocktail. I enjoy creating and naming mixed drinks. Personally, I have created the Niki Fizz, the Ocean Water (Formerly known as the Walk-Me-Down), and Magic Tea. One idea I had never thought of, but may just be genius, was created by the popular pop culture podcast All Fantasy Everything. When they came up with it, I legitimately stopped in my tracks and wondered why I hadn’t thought of it before. The Beaña-colada. That’s right. A mixed drink involving baked beans, any dark soda, rum, and orange peel. Served hot and using a boba straw. Genius. That said, it doesn’t fit our tropical atmosphere. We will be known for the Ocean Water (Formerly known as the Walk-Me-Down) which is now being renamed the Daily Drink for obvious reasons. The recipe is as follows:
1/2 ounce rum
1/2 ounce triple sec
1/2 ounce blue curaçao
1/2 ounce gin
1/2 ounce tequila
1 ounce sweet and sour mix
4 ounces lemon-lime soda
Ice
- In a cocktail shaker, combine the rum, triple sec, blue curaçao, gin, tequila, and sweet and sour with ice. (Use just enough ice to chill the shaker.)
- Shake well to combine.
- Pour into a tall glass with ice.
- Stir in the soda.
“Weaving Nonsense into a Tapestry of Joy: Dispatopia” This is our slogan. I am completely fine to change it. I had ChatGPT come up with the slogan. Slogans don’t really matter.
Speaking of slogans, what is one of our most common sayings here at the Daily Dispatch? What is an ethos we’ve built this newsletter on? “If you’re not living life on the edge, you’re taking up too much room.” I would like to introduce a chaotic town within our nation “The Edge”. This town will be controlled chaos. Not “controlled by chaos” but rather chaos controlled. This is not a lawless land, that is Talladega’s North Park. There will be laws, but the first bit of chaos is everyone who lives in the town of “The Edge” will be eligible to be a legislator. Whether they want to or not. All names will be put in a hat and the legislative body will be randomly selected once every 6 months.
Aren’t dreams interesting? My wife just told me a dream about her getting arrested. I’m introducing a new concept: Dream Interpretation Forums. These are regular community gatherings where citizens can share and collectively interpret their dreams. Not one of my sillier ideas, but I do think it would be fun. Especially the more Daily Drinks that are consumed.
I’m sure there is a lot more we need to do for our country, but I am tired and temporarily out of ideas. On the next page you will find our official declaration of independence. (I could have sworn “independence” had an “a” in there somewhere.) Also, the Tuesday shirt will be changing soon. We have also added a new shirt for our space program. Remember to check the Daily Drip store as we will be consistently adding and taking away designs. Also, the answer is yes. We are adding hats soon and long sleeve options to our most popular designs. If there are any other products you are interested in , please let me know. Finally, on the store updates, we are doing a referral program. The first person to have 5 people buy shirts and let me know you referred them will get a 50% off coupon for the Country Club shirt.
